The Thing
by IcePrincess777
Summary: This fun story is making fun of the movie The Ring! I know it doesn't make much sense and it's not supposed to. Now with the creepy, alternative ending!
1. Tenna and the Tape

The Thing Disclaimer: Ok, I don't own any of this stuff and I apologize to Jhonen Vasquez, Monty Python and William Shakespeare for horribly warping their characters and/or humor.  
  
Scene 1: Happy Noodle Boy and Tenna are watching tv. Tenna: Watching Spongebob can kill brain cells, you know. Happy Noodle Boy: * watches Spongebob * The granite monkey must be porked! Spoon! There's a tape that kills more than brain cells! Tenna: Oh, the tape where you die a week after watching it? Yeah, I watched it in cabin 777 at "The Killer Lives Here Inn" where me and some friends watched the tape at 10p.m. a week ago and then got a phone call that said we had 10 days to live from Nny and uh. I just revealed half the plot, didn't I? Happy Noodle Boy: You must pork the granite monkey if you want to live! * runs out of the room with pencils in his ears. * Tenna: 10p.m. Hmmm.. time to die now. * sees "the thing" and then dies. * Spooky: Tenna? Where are you. * sees Tenna on the floor with a Spongebob mask on * AAAAAHHHHH! The horror! Scene 2: Later at the funeral Every single Vasquez character imaginable: Joy to the world, Tenna's dead! It barbecued her head! Don't worry about the body, we flushed it down the potty! And round and round it goes. And then it explodes. And round and round the ashes go! Happy Noodle Boy: She didn't pork the granite monkey! She watched the tape, but she didn't pork the granite monkey! Gaz: * puts tape over Happy Noodle Boy's mouth and drags him off to the insane asylum. * Dib: Gaz, that's an alien! Gaz: I thought you said Zim was the alien. Dib: Oh yeah, I've got to go spy on him now! * while crossing the street, he gets run over by a car, a bus and Squee on a tricycle.* Dib: I am.. NOT okay! OWWW!!! The pain!!!! Gaz: You drank the last soda, and I finally got you! * leaves Dib in the middle of the road. * 


	2. Purple and the Waves of Stupidity

Hyzz! Back by unpopular demand, here's the second chapter of The Thing! By the way, Monty Python stuff happens in this chapter, but Shakespeare doesn't have anything until one of the later chapters. The Thing: Chapter 2- Purple and the Waves of Stupidity Purple: Yay! Tenna's dead! Party! Wait, you don't look so happy * to Spooky *. Spooky: I miss Tenna. I miss having someone insane enough to talk to me. I would gine a year's supply of snacks to whoever could at least find out how she died! And what's with the extremely funky horror of the Spongebob mask?!?! It won't come off! Purple: Snacks?! Sign me up! Spooky: Really?! I'm so happy! * thud * Spooky dies on the floor of a heart attack, but leaves in the will that if Purple finds out why Tenna died, he gets a years supply of snacks. Why Spooky couldn't just ask Tenna when they died, I don't know * spoken in a Gir-like voice *. Remember, this is going along with the stupidity theme. In Tenna's Basement.Gir has hooked himself up to the power amplifier yet again and has sent out mass waves of stupidity throughout the first floor. ( Of course you know people such as Purple were affected, if you can read the title of this chapter. Can you? CAN YOU?!?!?!) Purple: So, Pepito, how do you think Tenna died? Pepito: She watched the tape that kills you with a bunch of her friends. Then she saw "the thing" and died a week later. The tape is at "The Killer Lives Here Inn". Go watch it so you can die too, my father is paying me for collecting extra souls! Purple: Okayzz! And since I am under the influence of something that is making me act very stupid at the moment, and this IS a parody of a horror movie, WAZZUP!!!!!!!!!!!! Pepito: WAZZUP!!!!!!!!! Rest of the kids in Squee's class who are also in the basement: WAZZUP!!!!! Purple: Hehehe! I should be leaving now! * goes to "The Killer Lives Here Inn" on "The Island of the Elephant Suicides". * At the Inn.Ms.Bitters, of course, is at the register. Ms. Bitters: And what are you bothering me for? Purple: * still stupid * Um. I want to go to cabin 777 and watch the tape that kills you. Ms. Bitters: This will cost you dearly. First you must answer three questions. 1. What is your name? Purple: Purple.  
  
Ms. Bitters: 2. What is your quest? Purple: To watch the tape that kills you and then to try to find out a way to stop it before I die too, even though it would have just been easier to destroy the tape since I already know it killed Tenna and I can get the snacks now. Ms. Bitters: 3. If two trains leave Cleveland going in opposite directions, going at 70 miles per hour, how far apart would they be after 2 hours? Purple: What color are the trains? Ms. Bitters: I don't know.AAAAAAHHHHH! * is pulled back into the hellhole that is Pepito's basement. * Pepito: Alright! Thanks Purple! * slips something into Purple's pocket. * Purple: * arrives at cabin 777 just as the sun's light hits a tree's leaves in a way that makes everything in the cabin look red. * Whoa! That tree is turning everything red! It looks like dooky blood! Hehehe! * inserts the tape in the microwave, the sink, the toilet and finally, the VCR. * The tape had the following images, a jack-o-lantern chewing someone's head off, someone sleeping as they read a really boring fanfic, a person hurling their guts out, and Britney Spears stuff. Oh, the horror of the last thing! The musical accompaniment was "Hit Me Baby One More Time". Now you know why they are called horror films! As the tape finishes, the phone rings. Purple: WAZZUP!!!!!! Person on the other end: Hello, Cindy. Purple: Um.. my name is Purple. Person on the other end: Whatever. Anyway, you're going to die in 7 days. I must feed the wall, you know. Purple: Hehehe! You sound wacky! (It's Johnny!): AAAAHHH! I DESPISE THAT WORD! I WILL BE SO HAPPY TO KILL YOU NEXT WEEK! Purple: Why next week? This phone has caller ID, and it says you're right under the floor, Johnny. Johnny: My schedule is busy. You're not the only social maggot who has watched the tape, you know. As for caller ID, I love horror movies, and if caller ID is taking the fun out of the phone part, then I have to terrify others in other ways involving urban legends so someone can make a movie about that! Purple: Someone already did. Urban Legends One and Two. Haven't you seen them? Johnny: Oh. Well, then I want them to make more! * hangs up the phone * As the sun sets behind the dooky blood tree, the waves of stupidity suddenly wear off of Purple and everyone else back at the party, um, funeral. Purple: * stunned* What.. did.. I .. just .. do? Oooo! Susupense! Find out what happens to Purple and all of the other characters of fun insanity in Chapter 3! 


	3. Hello, Cindy

Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own stuff. And thanks for the reviews! Now to continue with the story. Chapter 3: Hello, Cindy. Back at the party, excuse me, funeral. Day 1., ********* (Thursday) Red: *dreaming on the couch surrounded by everyone else affected by Gir's little rampage that passed out after doing something only those with temporary brain damage can do! They listened to all of Britney Spears's CDs without going permanently insane!* Purple: Red. RED! WAKE UP! Red:*whacks Purple in the eye* No, mom! They said they'll give me a wedgie if I show up today! Purple: Red, you idiot! It's me! Red: Oh, sorry. Where were you last night? Purple:Long story. I watched a weird tape and then someone called me and said they were going to kill me next week. Red: *stares* You got a heavy dose of Gir's stupidity waves, didn't you? Purple: Well yes, but I wasn't hallucinating! Red: And N'Sync can actually sing. Purple:No I'm serious! Look over there! Jimmy with a jack-o-lantern gnawing on his head! I saw that in the tape! Jimmy:I saw the tape 5 days ago. Johnny said he would kill me, but I'll go to his house to see if he will reconsider. I'm a big fan of his!(refer to JTHM #7 to find out what happened there.) Red: I still don't believe you. Purple: Fine! If you don't believe me, watch the tape yourself! You'll die in a week, though. Red:*watches the tape* Ewwwww...ok. That was horrible, but I'm still alive. * the phone rings and Red answers * Purple: See?! That's Johnny and he's going to kill you next week! Red: Well, duh I know who it is! This phone has caller ID! Hi, Johnny! Johnny: Hello, Cindy! Hey! You knew my name again! Damn caller ID! Red:My name is Red. Johnny: Well, anyways, you're going to die next week. Red: IT'S JUST A STUPID TAPE! IF YOU DON'T WANT ANYONE WATCHING IT, WHY DID YOU MAKE AN EFFORT TO CIRCULATE IT?!?!?! Johnny: Since caller ID is ruining phone horror movies, I have to make video horror movies so there can be more lame parodies such as the piece of garbage the audience is currently reading. * hangs up * Red: Whoa! Purple: Hahaha! You should see the look on your face! * gets out a camera and takes a picture * Why is your face screwed up? Red: Cool! It's like one of those fun house mirror things! Purple: More side effects of the tape? Let me try! people on the floor start waking up. * Squee: Shmee! What are the aliens doing? Make them go away! Shmee: I see you weren't the only one affected by Gir's waves of stupidity.  
  
Squee: Come on, Shmee, let's go home. Shmee: Can I at least set them on fire? Squee: No, no fire. Shmee: Awww. * Squee and Shmee leave * Tak: Red, Purple, what are you doing? Purple: We watched the tape that kills you! Red: And now it makes our pictures look funny! Watch the tape so you can do it too! Tak: I see someone has been around Gir too much. Purple: Watch the tape if you don't believe us! Tak: I politely decline the invitation to join in on your hallucination fest. Red: Your loss! Red continues taking pictures until the whole first floor is filled, forcing everyone to get out of the house. But Red and Purple went to Tenna's room instead because everyone wanted them to drown in their own sea of stupid photographs! Yayzz! Well, that's the end of Chapter 3. Chapter 4 will be up as soon as I get around to uploading it. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!! 


	4. Somewhat Decent Attempt at a Chapter, Ta...

I still don't own these characters. That would be Jhonen, who I REALLY hope never reads this sugar high induced, lame excuse for a story! Chapter 4: Somewhat Decent Attempt at a Chapter, Take 4 Day 2: Climb a Tree and Scream Until A Squirrel Knocks You Unconscious Day (Friday) In Tenna's room. Purple: My turn! Red: Wait! Don't do that again! Purple: Hey, look at the wall. Why do all of those pictures have Spongebob's face taped over them? Now THAT'S horror! Eww. Spooky said that's what happened to Tenna. Red: Since when did Johnny tape Spongebob stuff on his victims? Purple: Maybe this is some errie foreshadowing way of hinting that there might be multiple killers? Red: Possibly. Then again, no one knows for sure what is going on inside that crazy author's head. Hey! I found Tenna's diary and a ladder! I think we should go before the pictures push through the door. *a splinter shatters from the door and lands in the face of one of the Spongebob pictures. * Red and Purple climb down the ladder and out of the house just as the pictures finally break the door down and come pouring out of every door and window in the house. The house then collapses. Purple: It's not like Tenna could have done anything with it anyways. As he floats away, Purple notices something in the bushes, but pays no attention to it. Dib: (Yes, he's still alive.) More aliens! When I'm done with this, Mysterious Mysteries will HAVE to let me on their show! Gaz: * hits Dib on the head with a golf club * Why won't you die? 


	5. Let's Do the Time Warp Again!

I am continuing to not own stuff! As most of you know, a horror parody is nothing without Rocky Horror! I don't own this stuff either, nor any of the songs. Chapter 5: Let's Do the Time Warp Again! While trying to find their way back to cabin 777, Red and Purple got lost. REALLY lost! They approached a scary looking mansion to find a couple singing outside the door. After pushing them in the mud, Red and Purple entered the strange looking house to be greeted by some very weird people. They are them shown into a ballroom with every character Jhonen ever drew in full dance costume, singing in extremely bad tune! FUN!!!! All: Let's do the Time Warp Again! It's just a jump to the left! And then a step to the right! You put your hands on your hips! And put your knees in tight! But it's the pelvic thrusts, That really drive you insane! Let's do the Time Warp again! That's the way Uh huh uh huh I like it! Uh huh uh huh That's the way Uh huh uh huh I like it! Uh huh uh huh and. I saw the sun And it opened up my eyes I saw the sun No one's gonna drag you up In to the life where you belong and. It must have been love But it's over now It must have been good But didn't last somehow and. Baby you're all that I want When you're lying here in my arms I'm finding it hard to believe We're in heaven And love is all that I need And I found it there in your heart It isn't too hard to see We're in heaven Jhonen: Hey, wait stop the music! How did the beat go from a fast, energetic song like the Time Warp to this slow dance Heaven shit? Evil fangirl: You're just jealous because we all wanted to dance with Roman instead! Jhonen: * zaps Evil fangirl with those laser thingies and forces the DJ to dance the Macarena * Hahaha! Your suffering amuses me! * His fangirls then spot him and chase him all the way to cabin 777. * (There he meets a certain friend.) 


	6. Six Chapters, Six Hags

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything! Hopefully you would get the picture by now. Chapter 6: Put a Trash Bin on Your Head and Run Around Screaming Fire in a Crowded Place Day (of course no one will be able to hear you with the trash bin on your head.)  
  
Red and Purple appear to have completely forgotten where they are going, so they stopped at an amusement park (Six Hags). Purple-(projectile vomits on some little kid after getting off of a ride.) Oh, sorry! Don't go on the twister right after eating! Red- Weakling! It wasn't THAT bad!  
  
Purple- Oh, the ride was fine, it's just that the ride operator looked like Britney Spears! Nauseating!  
  
Red- Let's do it again! Hey, look at that guy with a jack-o-lantern on his head!  
  
Anne Gwish- So that tape you guys were griping about a few days ago was fake? Red- What tape? Anne Gwish- The one that supposedly kills you? Purple- Oh yeah! So that's why I was hurling! Anne Gwish- I don't know, that operator was pretty ugly. Red- But she looks just like you, except with pink stuff. You're just a cheerleader with black eyeliner! Anne Gwish- You know my secret! I'm melting! I'm melting!!!!! (melts into a puddle and adds yet another unexpected addition to Pepito's basement) Red- Cool! But maybe we should go now. 


	7. Depression, Insanity and Even More Grani...

A/N: It's official. My computer hates me. I know the format is screwed up and I've been trying to change it, but nothing is working. And thanks to everyone who reviewed! BTW, for those of you such as Dalva who wanted to see Jhonen in a Frank N Furter costume, I DID mention that everyone present was in full dance costume if that's any consolation. Chapter 7: Depression, Insanity and Even More Granite Monkeys! Aka: Sunday, Student Anarchy Day (because no one is there anyways! Hehehe! ^_^)  
  
Purple: I just realized I'm going to die in 3 days. And there's so much more I have to do! Like see Zim die, and see Zim die, and. okay, that's pretty much the only thing on my list, but I REALLY REALLY want to!  
  
Red: HA! I get an extra day!  
  
Purple: So?! He's going to kill you too! And if you want to see Zim die, it's not very likely that after years of waiting, he's going to pick that day to finally kick the bucket. Red: Wasn't Happy Noodle Boy with Tenna before she died? Maybe he can tell us how to stop this thing! That way, we have a better chance of being around to see Zim die!  
  
Purple: To the insane asylum!  
  
Later that horror filled day.  
  
______________________________________________________________________ Purple: Excuse me, we want to see Happy Noodle Boy.  
  
Mr. Nevers(who is at the front desk):Room 777 past the anorexic cheerleader ward and before the geeks having nervous breakdowns before final exams. Purple: Umm.okay. What's wrong with your eye?  
  
Mr.Nevers: A side effect from the frustration of dealing with creative people. Red: Why do creative people tick you off so much?  
  
Mr.Nevers: Because I am jealous that they have something I don't. Something I had a long time ago, but no more. That was before those damn prison guards sugically removed it!(goes on a long rant about his past)  
  
Red: Let's just go before he does something stupid.  
  
Red and Purple walk in on Happy Noodle Boy singing "Just Like A Prayer" by Madonna with the kid's from Zim and Dib's class as the chorus.  
  
Purple: (zaps Happy Noodle Boy with lasers! Fun!)  
  
HNB: What do you want? Why do you zap my tiny friends?!  
  
Red: Relax, we just want to know what happened to Tenna.  
  
HNB: She wouldn't pork the granite monkey! It must be porked, I tells ya! You too will die if it is not porked!  
  
Red: (gets out "Dictionary of Insane Sayings") The asphalt donkey must be hammed, the cement horse must be steaked, it doesn't say anything about the granite monkey must be porked in here.  
  
HNB: I'm not insane, I tells ya! The granite monkey must be porked! You don't want to die but you still won't pork the granite monkey! Why?! It 's right next to the closet in cabin 777, The Killer Lives Here Inn! Purple has been right next to it! Why didn't you just pork the granite monkey when you had the chance?! Now some plot twist will make that impossible! ( gets up on his soap box) And another thing.  
  
Purple: ( sets the soap box on fire) Well, that was a fine waste of one of the final days of my life (sarcastically).  
  
Red: ( projectile vomits, just like in the tape)  
  
HNB: ( slightly singed) 3 days, Purple. You have 3 days.  
  
A/N: Yayzz! More phony suspense! There will be a further in depth explanation as to why Mr.Nevers got the creative part of his brain removed in the sort of sequel to this story, The Iceberg Tormented And Nny Invaded Catastrophe. (look at the capital letters for a clue as to what this is making fun of!) Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and look forward to any possible reviews! 


	8. Another Tape Viewer is DOOMED!

A/N, Disclaimer: Uh oh, I'm back with yet another chapter! I still don't own any of these characters, and thanks for the reviews! This chapter contains very slight Red/Purple slash, but it's just a joke and only for a few seconds. Chapter 8: Another tape viewer is DOOMED!  
  
Cabin 777, The Killer Lives Here Inn, Island of the Elephant Suicides  
  
Devi: So Johnny, what's with the granite monkey statue?  
  
Nny: Just something from the previous owner of the house. I had to come here for a while because the exterminator is at my place for the next few days ridding my house of that insect Mr.Samsa once and for all!  
  
Devi: Who's Mr.Samsa?  
  
Nny: A cockroach. I kill him, but he keeps coming back!  
  
Devi: Okay.  
  
Nny: the amusements this house provides more than make up for it, though. There's a tape I found the equipment to make here. It's an amazing horror movie that I'll let you watch now. * plays the tape *  
  
While in the other room, Johnny could hear Devi's terrified screams and almost felt sorry for what he was going to do to her. Almost.  
  
________________________________________________________________ And now back to Red and Purple. The stress of knowing that you are going to die in a matter of days has funny effects on the dreams of its victims. Here are some scenes from one of Purple's weird, weird dreams.  
  
Zim, Happy Noodle Boy and lots of other goofy characters are in a movie theatre. Happy Noodle Boy is sitting next to Zim and singing some very loud and annoying song.  
  
Dillon: Green thing! Get your pet to shut the heck up!  
  
Zim: But it isn't my pet! And. AAAGGGHHHH!!!!!!!! (Someone in a Scary Movie killer costume electrocutes Zim)  
  
Guy in the mask: * removes mask and, it's Johnny! *  
  
HNB: I want zappy thingy! * zaps Dillon *  
  
Johnny: For once you came up with a good idea. I'll look into further punishing this creep for ruining this movie for me after it's over.  
  
HNB: I still gots the zappy thingy! * zaps the giant hamster in front of him. * Hamster: * burps fire breath, setting everything on fire as Happy Noodle Boy runs out to have more fun at the snack bar. Then it knocks the walls down, crushing everything. *  
  
In the snack bar, the electric shocks that Happy Noodle Boy used the tazer to give everyone have caused massive brain damage, prompting them to sing "Baby One More Time" and then drop dead at the end. Happy Noodle Boy was sad because he killed all of his friends, so he went to go take his anger out on the badly singed Zim. In the real world.  
  
Red: Purple, wake up. You don't want to spend one of your last days alive sleeping, do you? Purple? * Someone in the background sets up a Romeo+Juliet romance scene. * Oh, happy dagger! * picks up a formerly nonexistent dagger that doesn't look very happy. *  
  
Purple: AAAAAHHH!!!!!! I have Britney nightmares!!!!!!!!  
  
Red: Yay! You're awake!  
  
Purple: What's with the costumes?  
  
Red: Oh, um. Nothing. * stuff goes back to normal. *  
  
Purple: Did you think I was dead or something? Rule number one of horror movies is, the main character can't die. At least not until the very end. But clever writing in the sequel usually finds a way to resurrect them.  
  
Red: Oh. I knew that.  
  
Purple: You know, the audience is sustaining massive brain damage because of our horrific performance as actors.  
  
Red: Shut up. Just shut up.  
  
A/N: Oh dear. That was stupid at the very least. If my computer screwed up the format again, that's because it hates me for some reason and I apologize. I tried to get an exorcist to work on it, but they aren't very technologically advanced. 


	9. I Just Broke The 1 Rule For Making a Hor...

Disclaimer, A/N: I still don't own anything, (hope you figured that out after reading it about 8 times already) and unless I one day wake up and find out that I am the creator of these wonderful characters (not happening), I never will own them. This chapter contains more of the very slight, joking, Red/Purple slash. It's over in two seconds, for those of you who don't like that stuff. Well, anyway, on with the odd mixture of words otherwise known as a story.  
  
Chapter 9: I Just Broke Rule #1 of Making a Horror Movie  
  
Day 7(finally!): National Anti-Cartoons With Too Much Brown in Them Day, otherwise known as Wednesday, Back at cabin 777, The Killer Lives Here Inn, Island of the Elephant Suicides, U.S.A, North America, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy, Universe, Thing that contains all those other parallel universes, (you get the picture). Red and Purple arrive back at the cabin just as the sun reaches the point in the sky when the tree turns all of the sunlight red.  
  
Red: Hey! It looks like dooky blood!  
  
Purple: That's what I said a week ago.  
  
Happy Noodle Boy: The granite monkey must be porked! Pork it I tells ya!  
  
Red: How did you escape the Insane Asylum?  
  
HNB: I's not insane. I's just got a rare form of Turret's. But if you want to stop "The Thing", you must pork the granite monkey over there, by the closet! *points to closet on the other side of the room*  
  
Johnny: Well, it's about time you got here. * uses a big poker to cram everyone into the closet * I'll be back for you after sunset to finish you, Purple! Purple: * starts sobbing and crying for his mommy *  
  
Outside the closet.  
  
Zim: Thing! It is my mission to doom the people of Earth, so move over and stop trying to hog my spotlight!  
  
Gir: Where's it going to move to?  
  
Zim: Quiet, Gir! I think I hear something in the closet!  
  
Red: Zim! Get us out of here!  
  
Zim: Who's there?  
  
Red: Your Tallests, dummy! And an anorexic stick figure.  
  
Zim: What will you give me if I let you out?  
  
* the sun gets lower to create phony suspense *  
  
Red: You dare question us?!  
  
HNB: I'll pull off your antennae with tweezers if you don't let us out!  
  
* the sun gets lower still *  
  
Gir: * Uses spooky stupid powers to unlock the door *  
  
Zim: Gir! You idiot! I was about to make them give me a new SIR unit, and you messed it up!  
  
Gir: I made the door stupid so it could forget it was locked! Yay!!!  
  
* Red, Purple and Happy Noodle Boy fall out of the closet just as the sun is seconds away from setting. *  
  
HNB: Purple! Take this stuffed pig and throw it at the granite monkey! * he then throws the stuffed pig to Purple, but his anorexia made his arm muscles pathetically weak, making the pig fall just short of Purple's reach , just as the dooky-blood colored sun sets.*  
  
Purple let out a glass-shattering scream, for he had seen "The Thing". And that was the end of him.  
  
But not the end of this story, surprisingly. Read on to find out what happens to the other characters unfortunate enough to be in here! 


	10. In THE END, It Doesn't Even Matter

You know the drill: Blah, blah, blah, I STILL don't own anything, including the reference to Linkin Park's In the End, if you have amnesia and are unable to recall the nine other A/Ns that said the exact same thing. This chapter does contain some cheesy romance stuff. Well, anyway, this might be the last chapter, depending on whether or not you guys want me to post the freaky alternative ending I came up with a few days after finishing the story. Read this, then review and tell me!  
  
Chapter 10: Day 7, Wednesday, continued. In THE END it, Doesn't Even Matter.  
  
When we left off, the sun had just set and Purple had met his untimely end! What will happen to the rest of the characters unfortunate enough to be here? Read and the answer shall come to you in a dream.  
  
  
  
Red: Purple! Come on, you can't die, you're a main character! It just doesn't fit in with the whole Horror Movie profile! The stupid author just broke the first rule about making a Horror Movie!  
  
Gir: Does any of this story fit the profile?  
  
Red: Umm.no.  
  
Johnny: Hey! Why is he dead?! I was supposed to kill him!  
  
Red: But, don't you control "The Thing"? I mean, you called us right after we saw the tape. Oh, here comes that 'nothing in this story fits the profile' theme again. "The Thing": * in a creepy voice coming from the walls * No, Johnny. I have a different tape. One with Britney Spears on it.  
  
Johnny: * does the seemingly impossible and gets really scared, screaming and shattering all of the windows * That's it, you are SO DEAD!!!!!!!!!  
  
"The Thing": You can't kill me. I've always been braindead , and I have to be alive for you to kill me. Plus, I'm a vampire.  
  
Gir: Why don't you just come out and talk to us? I see your speakers in the wall. "The Thing": Because I am far too ugly to be seen.  
  
Gir: I can see you. You're hiding behind the couch. And you're not so bad. I likes you.  
  
"The Thing" (now recognizable as Eric the big headed vampire): Really? You think so?  
  
Gir: Uh huh! Here, have some blood! * hands Eric some blood from one of Johnny's buckets that have already started accumulating *  
  
Eric: * the blood turns him into the stupid, fictitious vampire he always wanted to be. * Cool! Thanks Gir! Since you helped me, I'll give you one thing, but it can be anything you want.  
  
Gir: I wish Johnny and Devi would fall in love again!  
  
Johnny: * looks like he will protest at first, but then feels the overwhelming effect of a spell washing over him. He frees Devi from the device he had tied her up in since she had seen the tape and they run off together and live happily ever after. Well, except for Johnny being his usual homicidal self. Eric: But I didn't even do anything yet.  
  
Gir: Can I have a cupcake then?! I miss my cupcake. * sniff *  
  
Eric: Ok. * gives Gir a cupcake *  
  
Gir: Yay! * eats it * Aww, I miss it again.  
  
Purple: What did I miss?  
  
Red: You're alive?!  
  
Purple: It must have been that thing Pepito put in my pocket way back in the second chapter. * takes thing out * Yup, "One free life token".  
  
Just then, Dib pushes the stop button on his camcorder and prepares to send the tape in to "Mysterious Mysteries".  
  
  
  
Later that week.  
  
Since the tape Dib made had the original tape on it, which played on "Mysterious Mysteries". The whole world saw it and died a week later, leaving Zim to take over the now deserted planet. No, wait. Zim watched it too, so I guess.. In THE END it doesn't even matter.  
  
  
  
A/N: So? Did you like it? Should I post the freaky, alternative ending? Review and tell me!!!!! 


	11. Later That Week, the Creepy Alternative ...

Disclaimer: I still don't own any of these characters except for Tiz, as you may have guessed from the 10 previous disclaimers that say almost the exact same thing. They belong to Jhonen Vasquez, who I am convinced is coming to kill me in my sleep any night now, to prevent me from posting any more stories. Well, here's the alternative ending that umm. 2 people wanted me to post. It takes place a week after the killer tape is broadcast on "Mysterious Mysteries" and a week after the Meanwhile about Jhonen and the Obsessor.  
  
Later That Week.  
  
It was so nice to get off of planet Earth for a while. If only those stupid hellfans hadn't found me!, Jhonen thought to himself as he stared out the window, down on the lonely little planet that he was about to destroy.  
  
And that planet surely deserved what it was coming to it. Especially with all those wierdos imitating Johnny running around. Just last week there was something on "Mysterious Mysteries" about a tape that kills everyone who watches it a week later. There was also some garbage about the tape being made by aliens and recorded by some kid with an odd, but familiar name. This so called "Death Tape" was about to be shown when those stupid hellfans arrived. In a way, those that watched the tape WOULD die 7 days later, now that their planet's destruction was imminent. The spaceship's Population Counter showed that there were around 6 billion that would meet their firey end in 10..9.8..7...6..5...4....3...2...1.  
  
That was, if there were any left to meet it. The station's computer stated in a monotone voice, " Deathray not loaded."  
  
But that wasn't right! The Population Counter read a big fat 0.  
  
"Okay. so the tape did exist" said Jhonen, apparently talking to himself. Just then, something from outside blocked the sunlight that was streaming in through the windows of the spaceship. The silhouette cast by the object out there had the same, strange familiarity of the boy's name that recorded the tape. He felt a tap on his shoulder but, who would be alive to do that? Then he turned around and saw something that just wasn't right.  
  
Irken ( his name is Tiz) : Hello, Earthling! We want to congratulate you for finally ridding us of that nuisance of an Invader, Zim.  
  
Jhonen: Now I KNOW I'm dreaming!  
  
Irken calling Tiz's walkie talkie: Tiz! I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we've found the Tallest. The bad news is, they're dead! They were on that doomed planet with Zim when everything died.  
  
Tiz: What do you mean dead?! Who will take their place?  
  
Other Irken: What about that insane, skinny Earthling behind you? He seems taller than anyone here. * points to Jhonen, who is currently pinching himself and whacking his head muttering " wake up, WAKE UP!!!!" *  
  
Tiz: Umm.his mental stability is questionable, but what choice do we have? The confused looking Irken turns on the teleporter and beams both of them back to the Irken ship.  
  
  
  
A/N: Ooooooo! Cliffhanger! What happens when they get back to Irk? (insert evil laughter) You'll never find out because I'm being really mean and won't post the rest! No, I just have writer's block. Oh well.  
  
THE END 


End file.
